Motherhood & People-Pleasing Don’t Mix
Motherhood has made me less of a people pleaser.
I didn’t consciously decide to stop but becoming a caregiver kind of forced me to. And it’s teaching me something pretty amazing: people-pleasing isn’t sustainable, and it’s not aligned with being the kind of parent I want to be - present, focused, and attuned.
Breaking this down, there are three reasons why I’m people-pleasing less:
Lack of bandwidth - I have less brain space allotted to being hyper vigilant about others’ feelings, reactions, and expectations. The space is now being filled with time tracking since the last nap time, brainstorming toddler meal ideas (the girl likes variety), making realistic to do lists that can be accomplished during nap time, and the list goes on.
Efficiency with time - Along with less brain space, there is less time generally than before. I’m becoming more and more efficient and effective with time. If I spent my daughter’s nap time overthinking peoples’ words or behaviors towards me, I then wouldn’t have the time for things that gave back to me like showering unhurriedly, a yoga flow, a homemade matcha.
Shift in priorities - This may sound cheesy but I care less of others’ opinions and judgements because my energy and focus are now on what truly matters to me. I’m unable to show up as a people pleaser because it’s not a priority anymore to be liked/loved by all. As Byron Katie says, “it’s none of my business what you think of me.”
Motherhood has shown me that people-pleasing simply doesn’t fit into my life. I don’t think it ever has. Like caring too much about how I look, it’s just another pattern that motherhood has brought into the light, revealing what isn’t essential for my growth.
